Nerves are gone but love has creeped in...

This is going to be a long post but I hope it is well worth your time to read it.  I am going to start with today's happenings and go backwards from there because today's happenings were the most special thus far.

We went to Duke Gardens and it was beautiful.  We looked at some beautiful flowers, ponds, trees, etc.

 This is a special picture of Lidiya and I.  She has a hard time smiling for the camera.

I love this flower...not a bad shot for a picture from the camera on my phone, huh?

I think Coby and Lidiya could totally pull off being siblings!

Family photo on the bench at the entrance of the gardens.

Then, after Duke Gardens, we decided to get something to eat.  We decided that the best place to take Lidiya was a buffet, so that she could pick what she wanted.  It would be too time consuming to "Google Translate" the entire menu at a restaurant!  So, off to Golden Corral we went.  She enjoyed fried shrimp, french fries and pizza.  Then, she got cucumber and tomato salad, a deviled egg (that she didn't like!), a whole bunch of strawberries and some desserts.  Other than ice cream, she really isn't much into sweets!  But we have learned that she likes breaded foods!  She didn't even know what the fried shrimp was but because it was breaded, she got it.  French fries are her favorite food!

Now about the most special moment thus far!  While at Golden Corral, I got up to get something to eat and Danny asked Lidiya if she wanted to go swimming later.  She pointed to him and asked if he was going to go and he said "yes".  Then Danny pointed to Coby and then pointed to my seat and Lidiya said, "Mama?"  Awww!!!  Did you catch that?  She called me Mom!!  But hold on....it gets better!  Then, she pointed to Coby's Papa and he just laughed!  Then, when I left to get dessert, Lidiya was freezing!  Everyone was done eating, except me, so Danny asked her if she wanted to go outside.  She pointed to where I went and said, "No!  Mama!"  She wasn't going to leave me behind!!!!  When Danny told me what happened, I have to admit, tears welled up in my eyes!  Not only did she call me mom but she didn't want to go without me!!!

I am definitely getting attached to this sweet girl.  It absolutely breaks my heart to know that I am going to send her back to Ukraine, to an orphanage where she doesn't have a mom and dad to love her, to know that in just 3 short years she will be kicked out of the orphanage and put out on the streets with just a backpack!! It just isn't fair!!!!!!!!!!  It makes me angry.  It makes me broken hearted and it makes me sad!  As I sit here to type, tears are just rolling down my face and I can't stop them.

I just can't help to wonder why God has me in this situation.  I am sure it is to grow me.  I know that is the reason.  But what I don't know is why he has to grow me like this?  Last year, when we were going to host Sasha with plans to adopt him, those plans came crashing down and we felt we were told very clearly that now is not the time for us to adopt.  So, when we decided to host a child for the summer, we purposely focused on a child that could not be adopted.  That way we wouldn't be tempted to override God and do things our way.  Now, as I sit here thinking about this child that can't be adopted - it leaves me with such sorrow.  I know that I can love on her for the next 5 weeks but then what???  We can't afford to host her at Christmas and raising $2400 seems like an impossible feat considering I have tried to raise just $800 for my mission trip and I still have $625 to go and less than a month to do it in.  I feel helpless.  I want this girl to come back every year at Christmas and every year in the summer but I just know that isn't a possibility.

On a positive note, for those of you that have followed my friend's blog, they just came back two weeks ago from the Ukraine without the twin girls they left to bring home.  To make a long story short, the girls had huge reservations about being adopted because of their grandma.  Well...the very crazy thing is, Lidiya is from the same boarding school.  I showed her pictures on my friend's blog and she knew most of the kids!  And she knew Katya and Karina!!  I have learned a knew word in Russian and I will never forget...it has become my favorite word....сумасшедший.  You pronounce it sumasshedshiĭ.  In English, it means....crazy!  So, I told Lidiya, "Katya and Karina sumasshedshii."  She quickly said, "No!"  I then said, "Yes!  Katya and Karina no America...sumasshedshii!"  She then said, "Ahhh, yes!"  It was pretty funny.  She quickly wanted to stand up for her friends!

Yesterday, we went swimming and that was the most fun that Coby and Lidiya had together!!  They were able to play in the pool and just have a blast!  They didn't need to talk because you don't need words to splash each other, jump off the side, throw the ball and just swim around.  I really enjoyed watching them!

Here they jumped at the same time but I was too slow with my camera and only caught Coby in mid-air!

Here, Lidiya did a hand stand and then told Coby she wanted him to do one....

So, he did!  It was cute watching them interact!

Here is Lidiya jumping off the side.  Not sure if she tried to jump or dive but it ended up being a belly flop!

Lidiya absolutely loves Ozzie!  I gave her a journal so that she could write about her trip.  Of course, it was in Russian and cursive at that, so there is no way for me to know what she wrote.  But out of the entire thing, I did catch that she wrote Ozzie!  So, she was journaling something about him.  Adorable!  Also, she is constantly cuddling with Ozzie...he likes her too!!

Well....thanks for following my blog.  I will continue to keep it updated.  I probably won't write every day but that would bore you anyhow!  But I will keep it updated every few days or so.  Please just continue to pray for us and for Lidiya.