Today I felt empty

Is "empty" even a feeling?  I know sad, angry, excited, nervous, happy, frustrated, etc. are all "feelings" but today I just felt empty.  And if that is not a "feeling", then I just made it up to be one.  So, go ahead and put it in the dictionary:

emp·ty  adjective, -ti·er, -ti·est, 

1. A feeling; expressive of or characterized by emptiness.

I am so excited for the children that did get to come for hosting and I am so excited for the families that get to enjoy those children.  I am not jealous, at least I don't think I am.  I am not angry because I have relented to the fact that God is in control.  I am not frustrated....OK, well, maybe I am a little frustrated.  Frustrated at the Ukrainian government and culture because of all their stupid (yes, I said the word stupid) bribes, corruptness, laws, etc.  However, I am just mostly feeling empty.  

Last night, the children arrived from the Ukraine.  Not Lidiya, Vlad and Andre but other children, children that don't live in Kherson.  So, I kept thinking to myself all day, "They were supposed to have gone with us to this."  "They should be sitting at the table eating dinner with us right now".  "They should be sleeping in a nice, warm bed right now and not in a cold orphanage".  

But ya know what - I haven't cried once today.  I went the entire day thinking to myself how they should be here.  I went the entire day feeling empty without them.  But it isn't until right now, as I sit here and type out my feelings that I am finally crying.  Crying over the fact that they are not here.  Crying over the fact that I miss them.  Crying because it hurts.  

I am rejoicing for the other children because I know what a precious gift they have to be here!  I am so darn excited to see one of the boys that I absolutely feel in love with when I was on my mission trip because my dear friend is hosting him.  I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees me!!!  I am also excited to see two children that my other friends are hosting.  So, I don't know how I can be excited and empty all at the same time..........but I am.

Matthew 11: 28-30  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Here is a picture of Sergiy, 

the boy my friend is hosting that I can't wait to see!