It was so very surreal and very emotionally draining

Since Sasha didn't come for Christmas and there really haven't been any updates, there hasn't been anything to write about.  Until Now. 

Wednesday, we hosted one of the Ukraine Chaperones for the day and it was a blast!  His name is Alecks and we had a great time showing him around.  Coby and I took him to the NC History Museum.  Our plan was to take him to the Science Museum but when I pointed out the History Museum, he made it clear that he wanted to go there instead!  He definitely knows what he wants.  While we were in there, Coby had a great time pointing out all of the items and telling Alecks what the name in English is and had him repeat it.  Then, he would tell us the name in Russian and we would repeat it.  When he understood what we were saying, he would say, "I'm understanding".  LOL  I think that is the most fun Coby has had in a long time!

Then, we took him to the Original Krispy Kreme Shop.  We showed him where they made the doughnuts (Ponchiki in Russian) and he watched.  Then, he enjoyed an original glazed doughnut.  And he said, "Ponchiki good.  Very good!" and gave a thumbs up! 

Then, we came home and had supper.  I made roast with carrots, potatoes and gravy.  He asked if we had bread, so we broke out the bread and had bread with our meal.  He made up his plate and then I handed him the gravy.  He said, "Soup?"  I said, "No" and translated gravy for him.  He said, "I'm understanding" and then picked up the gravy bowl and sipped it.  Haha!  Then, he took his plate and the gravy bowl and sat down, putting the gravy next to his plate.  After I made up my plate, I walked over to the gravy and poured it over my meat and potatoes.  He looked at me and said, "Ohhhhh...soooo sorry!  Soooo sorry!!" while hitting himself on the head.  He felt so bad because he thought that was his soup and that is why he sipped it.  It was hilarious!!  We just laughed and laughed. 

After supper, we went to Meadow Lights out in Benson.  It was about an hour drive there, and since we really weren't sure how to communicate the long drive to him, I am sure he was wondering where in the world we were going!  We rode the train and looked at the lights.  He really enjoyed that!  He took so many pictures!  A few times, he tried to lean back to get a better picture and I thought for sure he was going to fall out of the train! 

After that, we went to the old time candy store and had some candy.  I typed in Google Translate, "pick something out.  I buy".  He said, "Oh, thank you."  But then he pointed to me and said, "I buy you!"  I said, "No, no...I buy for you!"  He finally agreed.  But later I found out that he doesn't like American Candy.  No wonder he said he would buy for me!  Haha!

Anyhow....that was the end of our day and I took him back to his host family.  We had a great day but I have to admit that emotionally....it was a very, very hard day!!  The entire day, I kept thinking to myself, "I should be taking Sasha to the history museum" and "I should be translating to Sasha what a military weapon is" and "I should be buying American candy for Sasha".  ~Sigh~  Although it was a wonderful experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything........well, except maybe for Sasha.  :)

This has never happened to me

There are things that happen to people on a consistent basis and I sometimes get jealous that it doesn't happen to me.  I have never been a reader...as a matter of fact, I can honestly say that I can't remember just sitting down and reading a book as an adult.  However, in February when the movie Dear John came out, I loved the movie so much, I actually read the book.  Loved the book even more!  So, I started reading Nicholas Sparks' Books.  I read a total of 7 books within about 4 weeks.  But I wasn't liking the recurring theme of sin in his books....sex before marriage.  Someone introduced me to Karen Kingsbury.  Since I picked up my first book of hers in March, I have read 28 of her books and am now on my 29th right now.  The thing that happens recurringly (is that even a word?) in her books is that her characters have The Lord speak to them audibly and more often than not, it is scripture being spoken to them.  How refreshing, compared to the recurring sin in Sparks' books.  However, it leaves me a little jealous because I wish that happened to me. 

Well, it happened to me this morning.  Last night, on the way to a Christmas Party, Danny kept telling me that he didn't like what I wrote in my blog.  He said this because he doesn't feel this is over yet.  He is not giving up on God.  Now, I am most definitely NOT giving up on God; however, I feel that the door has been closed.  That doesn't mean that God can't open that door back up, nor does it mean that another door doesn't open.  However, he feels very strongly that this battle isn't over. 

This morning, I woke up to read this devotional.  I was still in bed and afterwards, I just prayed that The Lord reveal to me what I am supposed to do.  Immediately, the following scripture came into my mind.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5

I could hear the scripture audibly.  It was my own thoughts in my head in which I heard it but nevertheless, I heard it.  So, I am going to trust that this battle isn't over yet.  Just like the devotional states, "Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen."  I don't know how that will look but I do know that we can't give up and we have to believe with absolute assurance that what we are looking for is going to happen.  Our ways are not The Lord's ways, so we are looking at it from an earthly perspective.  However, I have no doubt that it is going to happen.  The question that remains is how.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  Isaiah 55:8

...and He takes away

Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.  Job 1:21

We received an email this afternoon making it official that the Children in Russia will not becoming to America.  Here is an excerpt from the email I received:

The “governor of Russia” (Personally, I do not understand who exactly this is) has made a statement that orphan children are not to depart the country of Russia without permission under the new law, to ANY other country at this time. There is one big problem with this statement: The law did not give any directive or means for what the NEW law does for hosting programs. It simply states that hosting programs will be regulated. Therefore, those who generally give the written and final permission for the orphans to travel outside of Russia are in great fear. They have been told if they issue permission and it is deemed to be against the new law they will pay...in both loss of their job and potential criminal prosecution!

So, thank you for your prayers.  God answered our prayers and the answer apparently was "no".  Please continue to pray for those children.  Also, please pray for us as we try to determine what God wants us to do.  I have had many people ask the question, "Are you still going to pursue adopting Sasha?"  Well, we are seeking the Lord for that answer.  If that region is so difficult and the Lord is closing the doors, then I hate to try and pursue something only to find out $40,000 later that the answer was "no".  I do believe that The Lord has laid in on our hearts to adopt and I believe that the Lord used Sasha to soften Danny's heart towards adoption.  The question now remains when and who?  When does The Lord want us to adopt and who does the Lord want us to adopt.  Please pray that His Will be made clear to us.

Even If you've never read my blog....please read this!!!

Danny and I just got off of a one hour prayer session with New Horizons.  That was probably the most powerful thing I have ever been a part of.  There were over 130 people on the phone praying out to our Father.  At one time, we all prayed The Lord's Prayer and let me tell you, that brought tears to my eyes.

New Horizons is the non-profit organization that we are hosting Sasha through.  The organization is being attacked from all angles and a calling to your knees is needed right now.  Please, I am begging you right now....if you can get on your knees, get on your knees.  And if you do, please post it here.  Prayer works and we need to lift these children up to the Almighty One.

It will be encouraging for Danny and I, for those praying and hopefully for those that are going to read this blog to know that people are praying for hundreds of fatherless children on the other side of the world.  But the only way they will know is if you share.  Just take a moment and post a comment on the blog that you are praying...on your knees, bowed down before The Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End.

A quick synopsis of what has been happening and then some things for you to pray for:

• There are children coming for 5 weeks from the countries of Latvia, Russia and Ukraine.
• The children of Latvia were possibly not able to come due to the longest airstrike in the history of FinnAir.  It started on November 30 and finally ended yesterday afternoon.  The first day of full scheduled flights begins on Monday, the day the children are scheduled to fly out.
• Some of the children of Ukraine were possibly not able to come due to them not being to get their passports processed in enough time.  However, today, every child got their passports and will be coming on Monday.
• Many, many orphans in Russia are threatened with not being able to come.  The children in Orphanages in Borovichi, Sol'tsy and Orphanage #35 have been told they will not come.  The Head Prosecutor in Russia has halted all of those children from coming.  As of right now, they are still not allowing those children to come.  Sasha lives in an orphanage in Sol'tsy. 

What to pray for:

• Please pray for a hedge of protection to be surrounding the children that will be traveling from those countries to America.
• Please pray for a hedge of protection to be surrounding the children that will not be able to come.  Pray that the Lord give them peace so that they don't feel unwanted or unloved because they are now not coming to America.
• Please pray for New Horizons for Children and all of the staff.  They are being attacked, so please pray that the Lord show himself mightily through this Organization.
• Please pray and plead with the Lord to allow these children from Orphanages in Borovichi, Sol'tsy and Orphanage #35 to come to America.  Some of these Orphanages are in remote areas of Russia with the very, very basic necessities of life.  Some of them do not even have hot running water.  The Orphanage that Sasha lives in is one of those.  

Matthew 18:18-20  Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there.

We have to believe that The Lord will hear our prayer.  We are not asking you to get on your knees for any other reason than for these children because they belong to The Lord.  Everything we do regarding hosting Sasha is to glorify God and to show Sasha the love of Jesus Christ.

I am not one to beg people to pray but this is for the innocent, God's most prized of all.

Urgent Prayer Request

We just received notification today that New Horizon's coordinator in Russia is going to fight for these children to come.  All of the host families (and their children) are to write letters to the Russian Government and plead with them why it is important for these children to come.  It is too late for the children to come on Monday; however, if they are able to come, then we may still get a few weeks with him. 

We also found out that Sasha KNOWS that he was supposed to come to America and now knows that he will not.  I am sure that little boy is heart broken, as well.

The most important thing right now is PRAYER.

1 Thessalonians 5:17  Pray without ceasing.

Two things to pray specifically for:

1. That the Russian Government allows these children to come.
2. That the airlines allow the children's tickets to be changed with no recourse

"I don't trust God"

Last night before dinner, we sat down and shared the news with Coby.  At first, I thought he was going to take it well and I was very surprised.  Danny told him that we needed to talk to him and started out by telling him that sometimes when God answers prayer, the answer is "no".  Coby responded and said, "We aren't getting Sasha, are we?"  Danny said, "No buddy, we aren't".  Then Coby just kinda shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, "that's ok" and followed with "But we are still getting him for 5 weeks, right?"  When Danny told him that we were not even getting him for 5 weeks, a light bulb went off in Coby and he just about freaked out. 

He cried and wanted to run up to his bedroom and just scream (his way of coping with things....we are still working on this with him).  We had him stay downstairs so that we could talk it out and pray about it.  He said that he did not want to pray about it.  As a matter of fact, he did not want to ever pray again.  He was angry with God and could never trust God again. 

Wow!!!  Talk about feeling your heartbreak.  He decided in a matter of 2 minutes that God wasn't worth trusting.  If God took his brother away from him, then what kind of God can he be?  This is coming from my son: the prayer warrior, the one with faith that could move mountains, the one who wanted a "Jesus" Birthday party so he could share the gospel with his friends that might not know the Lord.  If anyone has really gotten to know Coby, you know that he is very mature in his faith for a 9 year old.  He preaches the gospel to a little boy that lives across the street because his parents are atheists.  He wants to make sure this little boy has a chance to choose God.  So, he reads his Bible to him, invites him to many church events and talks about God as much as he can.  As a matter of fact, I told him one day that maybe we should lay low and not talk about God for a while (because his mom was starting to be a little concerned) and Coby's response was "No Way!!  I can't do it, Mom!!"  And the look on his face was as if I had just asked him to commit some huge sin.  I said, "Even if that means that you can't be friends with that little boy anymore if you keep talking to him about God?"  And he said, "Yes, even if it means that I can't be friends with him!  I will not stop talking to him about God!"    Coby is a very tender hearted little boy and wants nothing more than to see everyone come to know Christ.  So, to hear him say that he can't trust God anymore and refuse to pray completely broke my heart!!! 

We explained to Coby that God is still in control and we feel that the Lord is still working.  We shared the story of Job with Coby and explained that God allowed Satan to take things from Job because God knew Job would still be faithful.  And we must remain faithful.  It sure is easy to trust God when things are going our way but it's how we react when things aren't going our way that is a true test of our faith.  I also explained that through this entire process, God softened Daddy's heart for adoption.  I told him that Daddy always spoke with his mouth that he would be up for adoption but that in his heart, he knew that he really wasn't.  He had always said, "How can I love another child as much as I love Coby, especially not my own?"  And then he fell in love with Sasha before he even met him and said, "Now I know how". Explaining that to Coby was tough because I wasn't sure he would really understand.  But after talking to him for hours, praying for him and sharing our hearts with him, he finally understood that God isn't against him.  God has another plan. 

So, even if God is telling us, "Yes....but not Sasha", we still feel that the Lord is leading us to adopt.  We are open to whatever the Lord has to show us.  Please continue to pray for us as we continue on this journey.   

From a broken heart...

Today was a very hard day.  My heart is broken right now and I can't put into words the loss I am feeling.  I have pretty much lost a child.  Let me start from the beginning of my day.

I had been trying to contact the girl who was going to help tutor Sasha and had no luck.  Finally this morning, the mom of the family she was staying with called me and told me she went back to Germany today.  Wow!  That was a huge blessing for us to have someone to help tutor him and someone we could call in case we were struggling with something he is trying to tell us....just call Dina, put Sasha on the phone & she'll translate.  Now that is not going to happen since she is back in Germany.  That was hard to take but not as hard as the second call I had to take 2 hours later.  New Horizons called and told me that Sasha would not be coming.  He and 12 other children from his orphanage did not show up to get their Visas.  When New Horizons called the orphanage to find out what happened, the orphanage told them the children are not coming.  No reason, they are just refusing to send them.

Wow!  I can only say that receiving that news was like if you'd have told me something happened to Coby. However, I have to rest on the fact that God loves this child more than we do.
And he is in control.

Matthew 6:26. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap It store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I have to rest in that fact because I know with every fiber of being within me that God didn't open door after door to turn around and slam them all shut...permanently. He is very clear in His word that we are to take care of the orphans....be a father to the fatherless. Show them the love of Christ. And that's what we intend to do. We just don't know how or when but we will not be defeated.

My heart just breaks for a little boy on the other side of the world who won't have a family to love on him this Christmas. My heart also breaks for a nine year old little boy who wanted Sasha to come more than me and Danny combined. I pray that we can remain strong for him and I pray that he realizes that God is in control, even when things don't go our way. His ways are not our ways. Please pray for us as we share the news with Coby and as we have an empty place in our hearts this Christmas for Sasha. We love that little boy and haven't even met him yet.

Defend the Poor and the Fatherless...

My friend Thea sent this video to me and wow - it sure does speak right to my heart.  It makes me realize all the more why The Lord has placed such a strong burden on my heart for Sasha.  And why The Lord is opening the doors for us....wide open!  Click here to watch the video.    It is worth all 7 minutes of your time.  Then, those that are wondering why in the world we are doing what we are doing when we clearly can not afford it may get a small glimpse into why. 

Psalm 82:3  Defend the Poor and the Fatherless 

That is exactly what we are to do.  Because when we help the poor, we are helping Jesus.  When we clothe the poor, we are clothing Jesus.  When we feed the poor, we feed Jesus.  He clearly stated:

In as much as you have done it unto the least of these, you have done it unto Me.  Matthew 25:40

It can't get anymore powerful than that.  Can I get an Amen?

Sasha Arrives One Week from Today!!

Sasha's plane arrives at Charlotte International Airport at 7:33pm on Monday, December 13th!!!  We are so very excited, it seems like just yesterday when I was at our women's retreat talking to Nicole about the Hosting Program and here it is 6 weeks later and we will have a little boy arrive in just one week. 

My biggest prayer right now is not that we can communicate with him, not that we will have enough clothes for him, not that we will find fun things to do while he is here, not that he sleeps well, not that he enjoys the foods that I make, etc, etc.  My biggest prayer is that he allows us to love him!!!  Of course, all those other things will be nice but in the great scheme of things, the most important thing, above all other is love.  So, I just hope that he can allow us to love him. 

1 Corinthians 13:13  And now these three remain:  Faith, Hope and Love.  But the greatest of these is love. 

Of course, that is a Bible verse that everyone knows but when you look at what that truly means, it is breathtaking, especially if you read the entire chapter!  "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (v. 7).  So, encompassed in all that love is protection, trust, hope and perseverance!  Oh and this one is amazing, too:  "If I give all I possess to the poor....but do not have love, I gain nothing" (v. 3).  Wow....in other words everything we do is in vain, if we don't have love.  Yikes!  There are many more examples such as that within chapter 13.  The point I am trying to make is that what this tells me is that we just need to make sure we love Sasha.  In return, I hope that he can allow us to love him.  I keep saying that because there is a chance that he won't allow us to love him.  He could be withdrawn, scared or even worse, have Reactive Attachment Disorder.  So, please pray for us and pray for Sasha....a little orphan boy who will have a family loving on him for 5 weeks and possibly more, if that is the Lord's Will.